CAUTION: I absolutely ABHOR Twilight, but that doesn't mean I think you should too, or, if you do like it, that you should spontaneously self-combust. Though if you take Twilight seriously you should probably prepare yourself for a life of unhealthy and abusive relationships.

During one of our "why Twilight sucks, and not in a good way" discussions we tried to determine what is it about that book that puts us off so much. Is it the shitty writing, flat characters, Mormon propaganda or maybe the emo plot? I'm just pointing this out because apparently these things never stopped us from enjoying crappy SF books or low budget action B-flicks . Well I realised what (mostly) puts Twilight on my "save myself the trouble/torture" list is Bella U. Swan (the U is for Useless).

If there is one thing that can ruin ANYTHING for me it's a whiny, useless, damsel-in-distress female character. Yes, I know she's a Mary Sue with the whole I'm-not-special-but-everybody-likes-me thing, but seriously, couldn't you have made the character just a little bit less pathetic? I mean the woman's living proof that you can survive without a backbone. Even grass shows more defiance when you mow the lawn. "Save me, Edward!" "Don't leave me, Edward!" "Tell me what to do, Edward!" "Tie my shoelaces for me since I'm as useless as an ice-making machine to an Eskimo, Edward!". OMG, I just want to proverbially punch her in the face.

I'm not saying female characters should be omnipotent or wear T-shirts with girl power slogans (though I'm not saying they shouldn't either ), but come on. Useless whiny people are irritating enough in real life, so reading about them must be a more painful form of self-mutilation.

But that's how things go. You either like kick-ass girl characters and hate the useless ones, or the other way round. As for me, I'm still hoping one day Ripley will beat the living daylights out of Bella. Just for being lame. And just because she can.

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